Bonehead of the Day


OK, this is not a running related post, but I felt that I had to share this story for its sheer stupidity, so enjoy.

I work in the court system in Memphis, TN, so that means I am privy to quite a large amount of unbelievable and deplorable acts on any given day.  And often times, I end up reading an affidavit that I assume has to be fabricated due to the amount of absurdity that is conveyed on the page.  This morning, I read such an affidavit.  Obviously, I will not give the defendant’s name or even the officers involved, but I will give you enough information to enjoy the story.

A bit dated, but seemed appropriate

A bit dated, but seemed appropriate

The defendant and his co-defendant, let’s call them Bob and Lisa, went to a local grocery store to buy some smokes and put some gas in their car.  They also decided that the Coca-Cola display by the gas pump was too enticing to ignore.  So Bob and Lisa decided to grab a few of the 12 packs and throw them into their car.  The problem was that they neglected to pay for these sodas.  I guess the sign reading 4 for $12 was not straight forward enough for them to interpret.  So after a few minutes, Lisa realizes that she cannot find her cellphone.  After frantically searching the car, Bob decides to call the phone to see if they can hear the ringer.  Unknown to Bob and Lisa was the fact that Lisa had left the phone on the cashier’s counter at the store.  Bob and Lisa were also unaware that they were observed stealing the Coke products and that the police were on site, in possession of the cellphone.  So when Bob and Lisa called the phone, the police acted as if they were employees of the grocery store and convinced the pair to return to the store to retrieve the phone.  Once back at the store, officers confirmed that Bob and Lisa were in the same vehicle that was previously observed at the store.  As the couple returned to their vehicle and began to leave, officers stopped the vehicle to perform a routine traffic stop.  It was at this point that Bob decided that it was a good evening to go for a walk and got out of the car to go on his stroll.  Officers detained up and recovered the folded up $1 bill that he had discarded on the walk that contained four small pieces of a substance believed to be heroin.  The substance was tested and a positive result for heroin was confirmed.  Upon search of the vehicle, a crack pipe was found in Lisa’s purse, and three syringes were found in the glove box of the vehicle.  Officers were also able to recover the three twelve packs of Coca-Cola that were stowed away in the trunk of the vehicle.  Bob and Lisa have both been charged with Theft of Property Under $500, Felony Possession of a Controlled Substance, and Possession of Drug Paraphernalia.  And all because Bob and Lisa were thirsty, but felt that the price of soda was a bit too unreasonable.

I will be back to my normal posts about running and such later today or tomorrow, but I had to share this story.

Update: And as I posted this story, an inmate decided to make a run at the award.  He was in custody and decided to make a break for freedom.  He jumped the inmate wall and made his way to the back door.  There are three deputies assigned to my courtroom, but all three just watched the defendant run and as a coworker of mine tackled the guy, thwarting his plans! I am not sure want the man’s original charge was, but trying to escape a penal facility is not ideal to tack onto it.